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Explore how when the unthinkable happens, it can impact your life and find comfort in faith during challenging times.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou are with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. -Psalms 23:4
This story may not be for everyone and could be a trigger, so please pray before you read on.
Are you on a breath-taking roller coaster with someone you love? Is someone close to you causing you to fret, worry, and fear for their safety and even their life? Are there little ones involved? Beloved, I’ve been there, still living there, and God is still good and an ever-present help, in every drop of trouble that I’ve seen.
My husband and I have been living this for 7 years, but the last 3 have been as dramatic as they could be. I would like to say it’s been like a soap opera, but it’s really been more of a nightmare.
The phone has rang at all hours, there’s been drugs involved, and the worst sort of people with the deepest and darkest of sins. It’s been truly terrifying in moments.
But I want to share of God’s faithfulness and the glorious moments that He shined and intervened and even when the unthinkable happened, He was a fortress around our hearts and minds. A mighty God is He!
At one point, our wayward, loved one, allowed a female in her life that she viewed as a ‘mother figure’, even calling her ‘mom’, but in reality, this character was the complete opposite of that in her life-long, lifestyle. We were horrified that this was who she was choosing to listen to.
Her husband wasn’t much better, and we prayed until he found himself finishing a sentence in prison. All the while, mortified at the characters our loved one was allowing in their life and around her child.
This female character only seemed to teach our loved one more evil, godless things and yes, we were angry about this. She was very manipulative and deviant, a bully in her own way. At one point, she tried to sink her hooks into my husband by taking our loved one’s phone and hacking into her Facebook, pretending to be our loved one, just to get my husband to talk to her. Yes, she went that far.
Should I tell you how I handled it? Ha! Well, the real issue was the cellphone being our lifeline to our loved one, so we had to make it known that we would not allow our loved one to be without that lifeline.
We got a call late one night, and the character had been pulled over, intoxicated, with our loved one’s tiny son in the car. A few months later we heard the child had picked up something in her drug bag, and that was the last straw for me and I began to wail before God to remove her from our loved one’s life. She was a mountain, that had to be cast out. We put this issue on every prayer chain we could find.
We prayed for a year, relentlessly, reminding God every time we thought about her, every time we heard about her, every time she pulled a new stunt, to please get her out of this picture. God did not fail to answer those prayers in the most bizarre way! It’s so bizarre, I’m still laughing about it.
This woman continued to lead our loved one into more mischief and at one point, they all decided to move back to her home state. This put them further away from us and it was very difficult to be so far away. But, it was God’s plan to expose her and remove her.
As soon as they were set up in that state, we heard the craziest story. The FBI of that state was looking for her and running ads with her face, front and center, all over the state. Thank you, Jesus. Wow. We had not known just how bad she truly was, other than a very strong unction.
Our loved one had another child soon afterwards. We watched and felt as if we were on the edge of a cliff when they were living in their car only a few days after leaving the hospital with him. Both children were growing up in carseats and we felt like we were going to break apart. Only God got us through those moments.
They couched surfed some, during these days and finally ended up in a hotel, again. We were glad they were back under a roof but their struggles in hotels were a pattern, and we dreaded everything they were probably about to do again.
In a mixed up situation, you will have mixed up feelings. And ours were so mixed up, that we found comfort when they were living in a car, that they probably weren’t high, and if they were in a hotel, knowing they were probably high, we were grateful for a roof over their heads.
Through the events, DCS had been brought in and we often contacted them personally. In fact, there’s been weeks that we’ve talked to them every single day. It’s a hard thing to do. She had to have accountability, and if she was going to refuse it from us, we had to allow any means God would give us to bring that into her life, even if we were humiliated about it.
All of our efforts were not enough to stop what would happen. This is where it gets really hard so please, if your heart is too vulnerable, do not read past this.
It started with a typical call from the ER. We still don’t understand what some of the weird ER visits are about for our loved one. Maybe they’re for drugs, maybe they’re part of twisted power struggles, maybe it’s to get excuses to get out of work. But, our loved one put her two babies in the car with a friend, while she went to the ER, and the friend was doing 80 mph with the babies and hit a parked ambulance in the wee hours of the morning. To our huge relief, both were okay. But we worried, how many more close calls will there be, till THAT ONE finally comes…
The next night, we got odd calls and texts through the night, that we somehow slept through. They haunt us now, sometimes. But we trust, God is still at work in what is unknown to us.
Before the sun was full up, the phone rang that morning… and tragedy had finally arrived.
Our loved one was on the phone screaming, and I somehow instantly knew, the seven week old, was with the Lord.
Job 1:21…the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.
We were simply paralyzed in our shock and numbness. The thing we feared the most had come upon us and it was surreal. In controlled hysteria, my husband and I clung to one another and said few words. There weren’t any, other than, ”Oh dear God!” As soon as I could, I made my way to my bedroom, to the corner where I pray, and fell to the floor and wept and cried out those words from Job, and I blessed His name, by faith, somehow.
There was, and still is a hole, an abysmal place in our heart, over that precious baby, that time on earth will never fill, but we have found tremendous peace in knowing that he went through a lot in 7 short weeks and now, He has the utmost care from the Highest of Fathers.
To our dismay, within a week, our loved one had broken up with the father of the baby and was causing several more dramatic situations. And after another week, she decided to move in with someone else and do even harder drugs, however, God caused her to bring the other child to us and we felt overwhelmed in the Lord’s grace.
Both babies were now safe, …but one, …was gone. Sort of.
It’s a peculiar thing how God never allowed us to fully feel like he was gone, only that our relationship with him was merely on pause. The Lord comforted us with the feeling and KNOWING, that he is truly safe, loved, cared for, and there are no more worries of anyone ever neglecting him on any level. The struggle to keep him safe with us on this earth, is over, and he is in eternal safety. The Lord has given us a sense of ‘rest’ that is unexplainable. There is so much assurance, so much of a reserve, that I have marveled, how we didn’t fall completely apart.
I often call it a ‘reserve’ because it is something that is just- there. It’s like a wall around us, that only allows the pain to penetrate so far.
Strange, looking back, there’s only faint moments, that it was horrendously crippling, but the inescapable Presence and assurances of God, have far surpassed those fleeting moments. I’m astounded at the strength and grace He provided. It is unexplainable.
I’m amazed how that grace is still working in us and through us, and all that it has taught us.
The unthinkable did happen, and our God got us through, and He is still getting us through it. We did not break apart, we did not sink, we did not lose all hope. In fact, we gained more. God… only, God.
We now know Who our God is in the valley of the shadow of death and can I tell you- He is faithfullly spectacular! He is not slack in that valley.
No good thing did He withhold in our time of great need and sorrow. In fact, I have to be honest and tell you that somehow, we never utterly despaired. Even in our sorrow, the stillness of His Presence was greater. We were not alone. Never was there a moment, that our feet slipped, that He did not set us back up and so quickly, at that.
The strength and reserve that God gave us is still holding in such a way that we very seldom feel shaken when our wayward loved one still continues on her path of rebellion against God. Sure we get frustrated, but we never feel like it’s going to break us apart anymore.
Through the dark valley, God showed us that He is our Rock and He is unmovable when all else is breaking apart and He can somehow, by the Spirit, keep us from being moved as well.
There is no unthinkable sorrow so deep, that He can’t go deeper still and cause you to walk in supernatural strength, not your own.
My friends, whatever is the ‘unthinkable’ for you- whatever you are fearing is TOO MUCH for God to help you through- there is no such thing. And there is grace that is deeper and richer than any need you will ever have.
And not only that, there is Holy Strength that you never imagined possible waiting to meet you in every shadow this life might put you in.
God will help you.
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